A Chiropractor's Attempt to Help
Here are journal entries from March. At that time I was seeing a Dr. David Klein for my mysterious bloating and skin symptoms. He tried his best but he couldn't 'fix' what I had. Here are the details.
Second visit with David Klein. Briefly, he said: Continue eating anything you want. It's good that it makes you happy. Anything positive is good (I asked him about my positive visualizations). Don't help him with liver flushes, not eating gluten, etc. My body is like a broken soda machine. You put in nickels, dimes, quarters, you don't know what coins to put in, how to get the soda out. Let him fix the soda machine first. I shouldn't stand next to him saying "Can I help? Can I help?" Just let him do the job. Still thinks he can fix me, he doesn't work on anyone he can't fix.
I showed him my bloated belly. He said don't worry about the bloating or the skin, just be happy and come see him.
He rubbed colon spots, front lower right and left side. Left was quite tender. Rubbed shoulder. Tender. After rubbed again and was less tender. I said since I'm feeling good while eating everything it must mean I'm not gluten intolerant, right? He said don't worry about the food, and then he told me about the wrong coin/soda machine thing. I asked on a scale from one to ten how ill am I compared to his other patients and he said a 4 or 5. He said spend a day here and then you'll be happy you have what you have.
I asked him did he like Touch for Health. He said we're doing Applied Kinesiology, which is like the Indy 500 of Touch for Health.
I would say that I'm happy right now. Been eating anything I want for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, today's Saturday. I'm not looking in the mirror criticizing, I'm not thinking about my belly, I'm creative visualizationing, I'm praying. I can see myself happy and healthy with a happy healthy body with all of its systems functioning perfectly. I'm not going on the candida forum or Dr. Stoll website. I'm on the 14th day of listening to The Dive from Centerpointe, I'm having vivid dreams.
I still like David Klein. I told him how I'm eating a bit too much crap - big bag of taro chips to eat while crossing the street to get a coffee and a muffin. He said "Do you want to be on the expressway to health or the local?" I said the expressway. He said "Then you're going to have to not go crazy eating everything. You can have a burger sure but make the main food meat, fish, vegetables, fruit." I told him that I was surprised I didn't get as many bumps on my forehead from eating so much wheat. He said "See? 'Cause wheat's not the problem. You're a broken soda machine. Don't do caffeine or sugar for the most part. Caffeine and sugar are not the expressway." I said okay. Then he made me happy by saying decaf coffee was okay.
I am on the expressway. He touched parts in my midback that were tender so he rubbed on upper right breast bone for a long time, it hurt, then it lessened, and back point was less tender too.
He said my body's changing. We're on schedule. I'm going to be fine. I believe him.
Funny thing is now that my back is sore, like it used to be when I had back pain years ago. Must be related. Perhaps stuff in body shifting around.
I thank god I am now eating this peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Decaf tea and decaf coffee today. No muffins. Sorry one muffin. From Perelandra. So at least it was whole-foodish.
Through consistently choosing the imagery that will create good feelings, we can conquer the negative subconscious mind.
Still doing the Dive and Immersion - 3rd day of them together. It might be the reason I'm a bit on the down side. My journal says that on March 1 I was feeling happy. These tapes are supposed to stir things up subconsciously for awhile til you get used to it and need to go to a deeper level. I usually fall asleep at the end of the Dive and again after I switch tapes and put in Immersion. The last ten minutes of the first and then the second tapes put you in delta.
I love eating. Today I've had a decaf coffee, a toasted bagel with butter ( I feel like I could eat two in a row), a grapefruit, chicken and collard greens and onion, a cassava muffin, an apple. Oh yeah and a cheap muffin in there somewhere. The best is the pbj sandwich makings I have in the fridge.
Today I think that my mind IS and HAS BEEN the cause of my angst/depression/physical symptoms. This interesting article on the web said that for example, fear that you're not alright physically makes you, if left unchecked, develop a tangible symptom so your mind can say: see, I'm NOT okay (bloated belly etc.). My belly DID happen right around the time my back pain went away. And before the back pain I was getting drunk all the time to escape my mind.
Ergo we come to self-acceptance and self-love, which I believe should be the basis of my thoughts now.I've learned that the first step to change my thinking/programming is to just BE AWARE of my negative attitudes/behaviors/thoughts. Eating when I'm not hungry for example. This is probably addictive behavior stemming from feeling DEFICIENT.
David Klein today. Have seen him 5 times now over 3 weeks.
I'm big bellied still, but face is a bit better since I went to a salon on fifth ave and the woman said:
"Use fragrance-free hair products. The bumps all along your hairline mean an allergy to hair products. Use oil free products. No hot water on face. No hot baths where pores get opened and clogged."
I asked David Klein today if I could vegetable juice fast for a week. He said don't help him. I said my skin gets clear after a juice fast. He says 'cause you're not taxing the system. I said so that's why I thought I should do it. He said don't help me. I want you to eat the roughage of vegetables. You can come three times a week if you want. I said will I get better faster he said yes so I said okay.
I'm happier lately though. I'm giving it up to the higher powers that be - they are in control, I just do my best and give up the rest. I'm taking 10 mg prozac every day, started exercising again, not having sugar or caffeine as David Klein said. He said a bagel's okay though. Calves itched a bit today but I've been not so great, eating a bagel, a bran muffin, a banana, then pita bread for lunch and some rye crackers now. Saturday I ate two pieces of cake at a baby shower and a couple cookies. Oh well. Will try not to. Am only human.
So no juice fast. He said liver reflex points is what he's rubbing, felt like knife again today. But I'm responding quicker than before, so is good.
Wednesday, 9:37 am. Drinking decaf coffee with organic milk.
I started getting down last night and today, and was trying to figure out why. I think it has to do with the self-acceptance tapes I started listening to two nights ago. I so agree with everything she says. What I'm missing now is what I was missing growing up -to really feel loved, to feel okay.
You're supposed to name what you think: itchy calves. Fear of not having a healthy effective body. Fear, fear, fear. Bow down to the energy that is that fear, say hello, be aware of it non-judgementally. I think that's as far as I've gotten on the tape.
Still doing the Dive and Immersion, not eating sugar or caffeine.
Seeing David Klein today at 4:40. We'll start 3x a week. I've been five times so far. He said give it six weeks (at 2 a week making it 12 times). Body needs time.
Feeling good again. Positive.
I love this self-acceptance tape. When you obsess or negative thought etc., put a frame over the image. See it as a small part of the big picture, like a bird in the huge sky.
Went hiking today. Obsessed with bad skin. I pray to finally know that I don't need any fixing. But today I kept thinking that clear skin would fix me. Still fantasize about the vegetable juice fast, coming back to New York with a fantastic clear complexion. Answer is to probably do something for someone else. Get my head out of my head.
Talked to Lora, she said a line that stuck out - most of us women (her speaking) think that to be skinny would fix us. What's underneath this need fixing? Self acceptance, self love, not good enough, not lovable as is. So it's a layer underneath. I get confused by all the things I should think of when obsessed. See myself joyous on a beach.
I want deep chocolate peanut butter ice cream.
David Klein said lots today. Extra long session. I clench my jaw. It's messed up digestion. Tension. Clenching body. Endocrine system. Hormones. Skin. Suck on rubber bands so jaw doesn't clench. I can't even really tell when I'm clenching my jaw or not.
Do stuff that makes me happy, makes me feel good about my body. It's not food issues, although down the road we might find certain foods to stay away from. I'm a broken machine. 9 out of 10 New Yorkers are tense or clenched or something, I forget. Have to feel good about my body. One of the major issues. Am a complicated case.When I do something I do it like THIS, not relaxed but tense. I notice that of course a lot. Holding a book, I hold it unnecessarily hard. I've also noticed my jaw holding at night.
Now I've been thinking about it and maybe the jaw thing is really my whole body thing. The same old Dr. Stoll bracing thing I know I still do. I don't know. All I know is to let it go, pray to unclench my body, do yoga and do stuff for others and everything will be okay.
Woke up quite gassy and big today. Drinking a decaf with soy milk and farting. It's too bad I still find myself clenching. Do you think I should be noticing an improvement in my bloating after 7 visits with David Klein?
Saw David Klein today. He said it was a big visit today. He rubbed my incredibly tender (it was painful!) line from midchest down right side in a straight line down to near pubic. Once took his hand away it was so painful. Said we were now getting to the nitty gritty of the problem. He had to do all the past work to get to this point, digestion. My bloat is caused by stress, not bacteria, although bacteria levels are off. Even though I haven't been sucking on the rubber bands he said my jaw clenching was better ( I never touch my teeth but I have been aware the last four days of how I brace my jaw, even though it seems to be hanging loose.). He says that's where the problem starts, the clenched jaw.
I KNOW I'm tense. Just now realizing I have a ways to go with this unclenching thing. He says now stuff is going to start to go down now that we are where we are.
Bikram yoga makes me feel unclenched.
Dr. Klein said today that my problem is emotional. It's not parasites (although that may be an issue later, but not the main one). Itchy scalp and calves are from food allergy, not parasites. Digestion is off so I have food allergies. My body has to be fixed from years of abuse - drugs, alcohol, stress, emotional insecurity...Have to suck on the rubber bands. I'm a clencher and that screws up my digestion. Years of a broken machine won't be fixed in five weeks or he'd be on TV. Itchy calves are not parasites but food allergies that happen when your body's this messed up. Don't eat something that makes you itch (ice cream, last night). Other than that, food isn't the problem. He'll be able to tell if I've not been using the rubber bands.
So I will. He asked how I was feeling last night before I got the ice cream. I said not good mentally. He said so is it the food or the stress. I said I know the stress is the underlying factor.
Bikram says 6 days a week of yoga class will heal most chronic illnesses.
Been sucking on rubber bands. Dr. Klein convinced me that it makes my body clench less. How my body has responded to stress has messed up my digestion he says.
Sucking on rubber bands. Bloating not bad. Able to bare midriff at parties. If I cover my forehead with my handy bangs I look pretty good at parties.
I forgot to tell you what Klein said on Friday! He goes:
"You've been clenching for so long your jaw muscles are like weight lifters' muscles. See how you have chipmunk cheeks?"
"Oh no - I told the wrong person. Now you're going to get upset I told you you had chipmunk cheeks."
"No, no! I'm fascinated! So if I stop clenching my cheeks will go down?"
Last night I dreamt someone told me how long and skinny my face was and I was pleased with the compliment.
This morning I woke "holding" my jaw in a weird position. In fact lately I can't tell if my jaw is relaxed in the right position or not. I'll ask him about this but I bet it's 'cause I have awareness now. Just like I've been hoping for.
I am quite content right now because of this berry smoothie I'm drinking. Haven't had a smoothie in ages (too sugary). Thank God for David Klein giving me peace of mind, telling me I can have food again, cause it's not the food, it's the broken body system. I saw him again today. Last week worked on the colon reflex, today on the ileocecal valve, which is all clogged up. He rubbed my right front shoulder for several very tender minutes. Said the longer it takes, the bigger the change. Didn't need to refix the colon point, that held.
Acne on face is not hormonal but toxins not being taken care of by bowel. Which also explains the bloating and gas. When I asked him about my leaky gut he said the body needs to be fixed first so that it can then do its own healing. The way it was when I got to him my body couldn't self-heal.
Had nightmares last night about the devil. Night sweats. Fifth day of parasite-killing.
Doing lots of bikram.
Beautiful day today. 76 degrees, sunny. I walked 7 dogs. I feel very lucky. Also lucky to realize that wheat is not my problem when it comes to these bumps on face/neck because I was on the Special Foods Diet for three weeks strictly and there was NO wheat in that and my face was a mess. Ate most of a Hershey's bar last night, calves itched for a moment today. So what I do know is what Klein has been saying. Face is broken out and bloating exist because my digestion is not working right. Years of clenching can't be undone in 6 weeks so I have to be patient. Continue sucking on rubberbands.
I felt a bit angry with David Klein today at the end of our 10 minute session. He rubbed in between my breastplate and the base of my right thumb and in my right shoulder. Pancreas. Angry cause it's been 2 months and twenty sessions and I'm still bloated and have bumps all over my face. He needs to reassure me more I think. He says I'm very messed up. I feel like saying " Very messed up after 2 months!? Come on!"
The good things are that he says to eat anything I want, not to make myself crazy about food. Also that stress and clenching are at the root of my problem, which I believe. That he says no caffeine (cause it makes me more tense - but his reasoning is bad for liver), that I don't have cystitis after sex, that I've been laughing a lot more.
I'm not telling him about the juice fast I'm going on on the 14th-19th. See if he notices anything when I get back. See if my skin's cleared up.
I eat when I'm not hungry. Right now I have a tummy ache. It's 11:47 am and I've so far since 7:30am had:
a decaf coffee with milk
2 organic eggs with onion
green leaf lettuce with olive oil
one slice of Ezekiel toast with butter
orange corn muffin from Perelandra
organic decaf coffee with milk
Got my period this morning. This past cycle was 29 day cycle. The cycle before that was 34 days. Before that was 28.
I woke up with a lot more bumps on my forehead. I bet you it's the 6 big almond flour cookies I made last night and ate all by my self cause Noah hates stevia. I ate a good dinner then had those and I bet that did it. Maybe anything fatty - almonds ( a lot of them), cheese…I finally just now threw all the remaining almond flour away. It was probably moldy and unliked by my body. My calves also itched last night a bit. I can't wait to do those liver cleanses. I bet that will help my liver with these food intolerances. I'm on Day 8 of the parasite cleanse. 10 days to go. Then I go to the juice fast spa for six days. Then I'll come back here and do the bowel cleanse, the kidney cleanse, then the liver cleanse, as reco'd by the book.
Today is 7 days of bikram in a row.
Bubbye to David Klein. Saw him today and first thing I said was
"I don't want to sound unappreciative cause I do appreciate what you've done for me but I'm a bit frustrated cause I'm no better."
"So you wanna stop? Let's stop. You wanna stop? We can stop if you'd like."
I looked at the ceiling for a second and said, "If we stop that means you don't think you can help me."
And then he goes on to say he's trying but what I have is chronic and he's trying to get to the heart of it but we're not even there yet. Now he thinks I have chemical sensitivities so he rubbed a painful spot on my right midback for that, it also affects liver.
Whatever. Comes down to 10 weeks, 20 visits, 1000 dollars and we're not at the heart of the problem? He said to buy 2 amino acids today from his office (32 bucks each) - carnitine and glycine. I left them with the receptionist. Don't plan to go back.
So now it's me in charge of me. And I love myself and I'm smart so we're going to do it, I have no doubt. I want to go with the liver cleanse theory. I know food allergies and the liver go hand in hand. I'm doing bikram, I'm going to start meditating again like I used to. Twice a day, 20 minutes, none of this Centerpointe crap for now. That might work, it probably does, but I need to relax a la Dr. Stoll.